Monday, 23 October 2017

Being so in, being so low

Noone was hurt in the making of this story….but…well, actually…I was.

There is a reason its called being ‘in love’ and not being of love, or loved by or having love with another.
Its in love. Being right in it. In the moment. Consumed in. Given in. Falling in.
Its all so… I didn’t know how to be out again.

Do we ever really feel the love from another long enough to know how changeable and conditional it is? Or do we feel enough of it to then run around consumed in our own interpretation of what their love means, what it could be, what opportunities it holds, what dreams it can aspire to.
Are we ever in love with another or in love with our idea of being in love with another?

Right now I am heartbroken. I had a three day love affair. It was the most sensual love of my life. It bloomed from a place of long friendship, mutual intrigue and respect. From a place I have held treasured in my heart for so long. It took my breath away.

Being a couple of souls recently broken up from another love, we were super aware of all our fallibilities and the risk for emotional attachment and relationship centric issues. I thought I did a good job at keeping my expectations and attachment issues in check. We had a wonderful time in the moment of three days of sharing, laughing and sensual moments. It was the most beautiful thing I have felt in years.

Sadly it was to end. We both were not quite ready. There were feelings of guilt and pain threaded through some of the after effects. The timing was not right.

In that moment, we felt compassion for our healing selves.

In the discovery of how much we wanted to give ourself to another, we found we had not fully given into ourselves, and reached ourself fully. We still were unsure of ourselves, and needed to heal our doubt.

The power of such an intense lesson, to better yourself through the visions of what you want to be to another, to be the best version of yourself in the here and now, is a beautiful thing.

It made me sad because in all its intense beauty, it was there to remind me to slow down, find my inner self love. But I did not want to stop being in the moment with them.

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