Monday, 2 October 2017

Look forward, don’t run.

October marks the month when I thought I would be walking away from my current job and into a new life, and a new position in a beautiful company. I have wanted to get out of my current job for years, I am putting myself through part time study to qualify in a new vocation to do just that.

But this time last year, I didn’t think I could cope any longer and put feelers out, to move on.
I found an amazing opportunity to work with an inspiring individual in an ethical company.
But as time moved towards the decision to stay or leave, and as I weighed up all the pro’s and con’s, I got more messaging about my path, than I have ever received about a single choice I must make...
Those messages said - just be still.

Its a concept I have never applied in life. Not really.
I am a total go getter and problem solving activist.
But at that point in my life, every time I asked for guidance, the answer was - slow down and just be.

It has taking some effort to apply this to my life, at all. But the area I needed to apply it most, was at work.

I turned down the job offer and stuck my head into my studies.
As disappointed as I was, it felt right.
After all, I had a plan in place to get out. Just one more year!

Eventually crunch time came at my work. It became unbearable. Isolating. Unrewarding.
Yet rather than punish myself with feelings of dissatisfaction and the pressure to move on, I made a hard move to be honest with the bosses about my perception of the job in hand. I confronted their pace of progress verses my productivity. I explained my sense of deflation and frustration with the job.

Surprisingly, I was heard loud and clear.
Suddenly the job changed and it became something tranquil, slow and steady and dare I say it...easy?  It became the one area of my life where I could tick jobs off and find satisfaction, if I just re-framed it differently. It was all about how I looked at it, appraised it and approached it.

I still want and need to get out. I cannot maintain this approach whole-heartedly forever. It would be dishonest. But I totally appreciate that in my current time span, the job I am in, is doing what it needs to do, for me. It is straight forward and easy to complete.
It is, in honesty, a place of calm if, I let it.

I know that the end is in sight. I am months away from completing my studies and hopefully not that long away from selling my property too. Then, to coin a phrase, the world is my oyster!

I am a little sad as the marker passes by this week, but I cannot help reflect that all things considered, I am, exactly where I am meant to be right now.

After all, I have a huge amount of final study papers to submit for my university deadline of the 31st January. I also have six weeks of group work to deliver and write up, presentations to create and present, weekly classes to attend until mid December and a house to sell.

If I was starting a new job now, I would have added stress, deadlines and train travel into my depleting capacity.

So it strikes me. By not running towards my perceived destination, I have ended up there anyway. Or at least in touching distance of it. It is so close its palpable. Exciting. Enticing.

All I need to do now is continue the pace and cross the finish line and finish my own race with grace.

My planning ahead is finally coming to fruition. It proves to me...

Look forward, don’t run.

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