Friday, 13 May 2016

At least it was sunny

I wake up because the sun rays are bursting
Shining through the curtains first thing
It makes me think of the colour yellow & happiness
I think ‘that’s nice’ and smile while I rest

But I’m tired, its so early, I’m not strong
And I remember how yesterday was so long
How hard it was and how much my heart ached
And I think ‘that’s a shame’ and I frown while I berate

My alarm sounds, I don’t want to go to work
I can’t face the fake, can’t make it not hurt
I want to pretend the race to the rats doesn’t exist
The hamster wheel for me, I want to resist

But responsibilities, self worth, put one foot in front of another
Feel like a miserable mother fucker
Suppress the dread in my gut
Don’t like being stuck in this rut

Focus, focus on what comes at the end of the day
Free from societal norm, to go your own way
And I think to myself, just one small motivational thing
‘At least the sun is shining.’

I shower too long, I move to slow
No interest in bringing on my mo-jo
I dress to impress
Especially when under duress
Outside look my best, when inside I feel a mess
Let them guess!
That all I do is work at a desk
But at least, the sun is shining

Meetings, conference calls, management drills
Employing the best of my organisational skills
All done with a sunny smile
Going the extra mile
Feel like my capabilities, my capacity is on trial
All the while
Pushing down the bile
Of this vile corporate bullshit style

Lunchtime feels like a day has gone by
Haven’t stopped for a minute but time here does not fly
The snail’s pace of this place, making a powerful woman cry

I take my salad outside, go sit on warm ground
Try to quiet my minds corporate to-do list going round and round
Literally use my fists to give my temples a pound
Feel actual pain but I don’t make a sound

Lay back, grass, sky, bumble bees, bird song, sunshine
Transportation, liberation, exultation, relaxation
Meditation, infiltration of this natural quiet placation
The sun is shining, I smile a lot
My place in that soulless rat race is momentarily forgot

I think ‘what a waste’, of my awesomeness in this boring place,
A fucking disgrace,
How did I get to this state?
I need to change this pace
Find me some style and grace, soon
But at least, the sun is shining.

Lunchtime over in a flash
Back to the building I mope not dash,
Leave the sunshine behind with my hopes and dreams
And my will power to concentrate it seems

I step back into the corporate gloom
The same day happens all afternoon
Eventually when all my energy is dispersed
And I am feeling my worse
When I’ve nothing else to give
Except the breath to live
I leave this hole
That drains my soul

Walk home in the sunshine, ridding work from my head
It takes so much effort when I get there I just climb into bed
And I sleep away my misery instead
And I think, ‘at least it was sunny today.’

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