Monday, 4 June 2012

Room 101


Remember room 101?

The place where things you don’t like get put forever more. To no longer bug you or drive you insane? The room where all the rubbish thing go?

Well our B&B room in Aboyle should have been put into room 101, never mind being numbered 101. 
Not quite a dive but certainly a huge disappointment. The location was fabulous, a good hours drive from Aberdeen where we had spent our day wandering around an Energy conference, being inspired by renewable technologies, green solutions and environmental ethics. We had languished on Aberdeen’s stunning beach for a couple of hours, had Orio milkshakes at TGI Fridays and a lovely lunch. We then drove out the city to our B&B with high hopes of a summers evening, an early night and some drinks at our Hotel.

On arrival the place looked idyllic. The hotel sat across the road from a large village green with a picturesque church, parish, graveyard and beautiful houses. There was a few small shops, one of which was actually a candlestick maker! Sadly no butcher or baker.

On entering the hotel my first warnings sign were alerted by a number of small things. The stains on the managers shirt, the tartan carpet, the smell of OAPs and a receptionist with the ugliest stained yellow front teeth which although she never once smiled at me were stuck out like a barrier. I took a deep breath, remembered that this had been a cheap option on laterooms.com and that we were too exhausted to travel on.

Our room, when we reached it, was number 101 and was basically the last corner of the roof of the hotel converted into an attic room. It was roasting hot, the cracked window would not stay open until i wedged it with a Giddeon Bible. About the only thing I would do with a Bible really. Being a big book full of shit its quite handy for jamming in, on or under things.

The bed was hideously uncomfortable. It sagged in the middle like a poor hammock, squeaked and moaned with every muscle movement and was so tired the springs poked through at you. The shower had two controls. Hot or Off. The cold water tap didn’t work and the toilet had a knack to flushing which took good ole BF about eight goes to master. 

The TV had no remote! I mean, how lazy are we that we were disappointed at having to get up and change the measly four channels manually? But surely it is common practice now for hotels to provide remotes so one can enjoy a lazy bit of tv viewing from the bed without having to keep getting up. Or is it a luxury? Either way it was something this place could not afford.

Deciding we were too exhausted to complain immediately, having been up since 5am, we stripped off our clothes, scolded ourselves in a quick shower, (BF actually cowering in the bottom of his to reduce the heat) and then we laid naked on our banana bed for some relaxation and snoozing. 

As luck would have it BF and I did more than snooze. We bonded. We discussed issues old and new, we cried and laughed, we hugged and snuggled. We spent a couple of hours refreshing our love and understanding for each other. And then a strange thing happened, i did not want to move rooms. In such a short space of time it had changed from hell to haven. It was his company, our intense connection that gave the room a sentimental feeling to us. We knew it as silly, but we just were not that bothered any more.

We went down to the bar about 7pm. Had one drink in the garden, felt extremely woozy and tired, took a refreshing walk around the village green and then went straight back to our bed. After all, it was a cheap stop over to break up our journey and we were physically and mentally exhausted.

Room 101 and the bed within broke our backs. And just to make sure we were up early and knew it, housekeeping banged on our door and tried to get in at 8:30am! I was astounded. So we went to breakfast, which was equally disappointing and crammed full of OAPs. We picked at what looked edible and  enjoyed our cigarette in the garden much more than the food.

On returning to our room to get ready for the glorious summers day ahead, we both got naked and risked the shower again, only to have housekeeping almost walk in on us, again! What is it with this place? By now I was bristling to get all this out to the manager. 

And then i found the comments card – so in it all went.

We packed up the car and prior to payment I spoke to the manager –
“I have to say we have had a very disappointing stay...” and I listed all the things that were wrong. He made apologies for the water, which is being sorted on Monday (apparently) and listened to our complaints about the bed, shower etc. 
However, it was the housekeeping staff trying to get into our room twice that really riled him. His eyes lit up with anger and then disappointment, although he tried to hide it. He then offered us a massive discount, bringing our stay in room 101 to just £30. Not bad for a bit of a whinge. 

And boy were we delighted to be back in our own bed that night!

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